one of my saddest days

OMG ! WHY AM I SO WEAK ! OMG ! I CRIED IN SCHOOL TODAY. IN FRONT OF SHINYI. Shiny baby really thanks so much for being there when i needed someone to lean on ! :) You hugged me, comforted me and told me ITS OKAY , Stop crying and Tell me what happen :) OMG YOU LIKE AN ANGEL ! :( I feel so sorry for all those bad things I have done to you I ever done to you. True friends ?! What a word. To me, friends and true friends I really don'tknow the meaning ?! Standing there for you forever. I guess I have none. Only my family seems to be there. Then Shiny :) I know she has council and she cannot possiblely stay with me forvever but she tries. OMG I REALLY LOVE HER. Leung, Manda and Zizi. I really don't know. JiaJia i also don't know. LONELY ! :( AND THANKS SAYANG FOR GIVNG ME THAT I DON'T CARE LOOK AND I HATE YOU LOOK ON ONE OF MY SADDEST DAYS. THANKS ALOT ! :) THAT IS NO DIFFERENCE FROM ADDING SALT ON MY WOUND OR KILLING ME :) PAIN ! I lost to the max ! :) I seems to lose everything except family :( No friends, No studies, No class, No nothing. :) And Jung thanks for hating me when I don't even know you. All those shit that you hear too :) What stead man ?! All i did was to like them. Okay I agree that I may be abit too much. But I really have a crush on them. You have a problem with that ?! I NEVER ASK THEM FOR STEAD plz get your facts right ?! I NEVER ASK ANYONE FOR STEAD ! PLEASE ! :( whats wrong with liking someone. OKAY ! :) I SUCK HAPPY ?! SO JUST SHOOOO... DON'T COME HERE AND MAKE ME FEEL EVEN WORSE. THanks alot :)

weirdness :S

If friends are there forever,shouldn't clique be forever forever ?! why do i feel the distant between me and everyone ?! why does i feel outsider when i am with them ? am i already out of place ? or am I extra in the first place ? a clique should be even number. I am the odd number. the 5th one. I really want to cling back with them. But Why do i feel the gap ?! :( Maybe the clique is better without me ?! I AM PARANOID! :)

It is the same in my class.

What to do when everything is not as you expected. I was foolish that I thought everything will be the same even after I move up to Secondary 3. Everyone is still best friends ! :) Hang out together. Talk andLaugh together.but what if you are the one who don't know anything when everyone are talking about one common topic. When you move a step back, you realise " actually I don't have many friends". I AM ALONE !

Studies and Friendship that is also fine with me ! :) Great where they are. SUDDENLY TURN UPSIDE DOWN ! :(
My birthday , a really important day to me, none of them said that they are free. Maybe I am not that important to them afterall. Studies went down. Will crying it out make it better ?! :) I cried a few times. Tried to change my mentality then the same thing comes out again. I am like the dark corner in the room that is filled with colours :(

When she told me "go away", i walked around the class. I realise there isn't anywhere I can go. A class filled with people I know but no one seems to recognise me. I suddenly subsides. I am becoming smaller. Was it really the wrong school for me ? :)

It is the same in love wise. He hates me , said I am a P and said that I am irratitaing. Am I really that bad ? Am I really wrong ? Is going with what I want to do wrong ? IF IT IS SO, I AM UTTERLY WRONG ! :( People laughs at me. Make me feels embarassed. Make me feels like I am not fit for him. Makes me feel like I really suck. I should just evaporate and disappear. No one will care and cry. Everyone seems to be back -facing me..

Only family seems to be somewhere I feel love. :)

Even he hates me, what can I do ? To him, my existence is a disgrace to him.

I don't know what to do, what to say, what can I ... ?
I hate it but what can i do ?
I don't seems wanted anywhere.
Or but it was this way from the start.